apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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