i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
