after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
