I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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