his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
