Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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