She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
