he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
