I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
