i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
