I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
