All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
