In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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