I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how do flat chested girls get laid?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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