how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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