You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize