If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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