Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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