just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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