I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
