3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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