I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
