youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
