i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
