Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
