Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
