I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
