So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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