Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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