so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
