I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
