What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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