My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
