I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
tell me about the eggs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
