Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you never un-have a 4some
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
