At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
