I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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