Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
