How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize