her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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