why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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