Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
