It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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