I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is Oprah even human
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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