Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
