just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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