i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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