I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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