Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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