Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are we still banned from the library?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
