Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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