Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
