its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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