is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
