He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
