There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
