you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
