If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
