is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
