dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
