Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
