I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
