We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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