I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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