i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
