you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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