It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
