Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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