I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
