How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
