somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
