my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
